self portrait challenge: nude

I decided to follow the lead of several other SPC participants by posting my photograph somewhere other than my personal blog. I didn't feel absolutely comfortable having a nude shot hidden between the jell-o fingers and snotty noses.

But I am completely comfortable linking to it. (I've been told my preamble post was much ado about nothing, and that the photograph is very tame.) This was my submission for SPC. And here's another one. I've never tried to shoot in a room this dark, so it was interesting and educational. I'm glad I did it. Enough said. Moving on.

stripping down

Last month I noticed that I had lost myself on this blog again. I've been posting mainly about the girls and not much in between which has led to fewer and fewer posts each month. So I decided to turn to a reliable source for forcing me to look inward and turn the camera on myself, SPC. Toward the end of May I checked everyday for the new challenge because I was determined to participate this month. I declared it. And then the challenge was announced.....nude. NUDE! I immediately dismissed the idea of participating and resolved to waiting until July. Maybe in July the challenge would be 'hats' or 'outside' or ANYTHING but nude.

Then I started to be disappointed in myself for avoiding nude. Why not nude? In real life I'm pretty close to being a never-nude. I'm just more comfortable with my clothes on. Growing up my dad was pretty strict on showing skin. Much was made of the first tankini swimsuit I wore...in college. Up until then I was only allowed to wear one-piece swimsuits, and there was even a one-piece that caused quite a bit of controversy in my house. Not that my dad was wrong to raise me that way, but I think it made me ovesexualize the human body and become a bit uncomfortable with my own.

As an artist Alex has taken many nude figure drawing classes. His sketch books are filled with sketches of nude women. And for years I couldn't wrap my head around how it wasn't sexual at all. But then after having a child, my perception of my body, the human body changed. I felt comfortable with sexuality. And I felt comfortable with my body. It is a body. Bodies are beautiful.

So...I decided to take a photograph for the June challenge. It's a true nude, not like a picture of my naked foot or hand., but body parts that without clothing would generally be considered nude. And I really like the photograph. Getting out my camera was the first step, but now I'm really questioning whether I should post and submit it. That's a whole different leap. And I'm not even sure I can justify a reason for posting it. I'm not an exhibitionist, so posting it will surely embarrass me...and probably several people who visit this blog. But then part of me just wants to put it out there. It seems like it would almost be empowering to have a nude photograph on the inernet. I mean...once you have blogged naked, there is nothing left to hide.

Anyway...I'm still debating this one. If I don't chicken out, I'll post my photograph Tuesday. So if you know me in real life and think seeing a nude photograph of me might be awkward, then consider this your warning. You might not want to stop by blythe and bonnie next week. (For the record...if I post it here, then I obviously don't mind anyone and everyone seeing it. So don't feel like you have to stay away.)

Anyone want to show support by posting your own nude? Come on...let's all get naked.

self portrait challenge: absurd

Kitchen utensils are my girls' favorite toys.  Thank goodness someone uses them. Recently the girls discovered a spaghetti measuring stick in the back of the utensil drawer.  It was given to me as a wedding gift and hasn't been touched since.  Canon asked what it was and I began to explain it to her.  "You use it to measure spaghetti.  See....here's how many noodles you make for a child your size.  Here's how many noodles you make for a child between the ages five and ten.   And here's how much you make for a woman or a child between the ages of ten and twelve."  What?!?

Am I being overly sensitive here or is that just ridiculous? This sexist kitchen product expects me to eat the same amount of spaghetti as a ten-year-old and less than a teenager....or a man for that matter.  Either this is completely absurd or I'm a big fatty and need to cut back on my portions.  What do you think?

More of the absurd here.

self portrait challenge: political

Lately when I hear the word "politics,"  my brain short circuits, smoke rises from my head, and I have complete tunnel vision;  I can only hear and see this man.  I've seen so many beautiful and very artistic self portraits over at SPC this month, but for me the word is straight-forward and literal right now.

To be honest....being open about who I support politically isn't as easy as it should be. I know the polite thing to do is carefully tip-toe around the topic so as not to offend anyone. Truthfully, I don't want to offend anyone.  This is not about anyone else.  This is about me and my children.  My vote.

I even used my poor, sick, girls in a photograph.  How can you possibly deny those little faces?! Voting for Obama would make them feel better.  I am sure of it. 


In case you missed the full story on the drawing, you can go here.  

best wishes, blythe and bonnie

This is the last week of the theme 'celebration' at Self Portrait Challenge. To be honest, I really don't feel like celebrating.....at all. Before things went terribly wrong last week, I had planned to dedicate this post to my blog's birthday. Considering everything that is going on, I've decided to keep the birthday 'celebration' short.

After searching for an acquaintance (to ask her a question concerning dance) and stumbling upon her beautiful blog, I decided to start a blog of my own. I had no idea how important and meaningful this space on the internet would be for me. It has reunited me with old friends, kept me in better touch with the friends I have, and even introduced me to a new friend or two. It has allowed me to archive my daughters' lives. It has encouraged me to pick up my camera more often. It has given me a creative and emotional outlet. It has opened up my world to new things, new ideas, and new people.

Happy Birthday, Blythe and Bonnie! I think you are pretty cool.

self portrait challenge: celebration

I mentioned in a previous post that my goal for the year is to become more centered and calm. Yoga is a key component in my plan. I've also come to realize how special the hour-long yoga class is to my emotional, mental and physical balance. It's so incredibly refreshing to have that time to focus inward, let go of the clutter and align my mind and body.

I am hoping that with each class I feel less and less guilty. It's hard to find calm when I've just had to pry each of my child's fingers from around my neck, hand her off to a childcare stranger, and hear her cries until the door slams shut behind me. But I think the brief separation is getting easier for her, too.

So...I'm celebrating the beginning of the journey to being centered. In my mind, everything and everyone in my life is spinning. My goal is that we all can circle smoothly, congruously. And being close to me doesn't cause turbulence. I still have a ways to go.

Namaste.

More self portraits here.

self portrait challenge: food and me #2

I'm totally uninspired by the food I eat. I spent the summer focused on a healthy, vegetarian, organic diet. Now not only am I eating meat, but I'm eating total junk. It's disgusting. And I'm too embarrassed to photograph myself in relation to anything I eat. So I'm wiping the slate...errr...spoon clean. This month's Self Portrait Challenge even prompted a healthy trip to the grocery store this evening.

My submission to the challenge this week is a bit of a cop-out. I am hoping a new diet will produce more inspired photographs.

self portrait: food and me

This is one of my favorite moments of the day. I mentioned in a previous post that I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday. The food somehow contributes to the perfection of the space in time, so I don't dare change a thing.

A great deal happens in my house before this moment. In the early hours of the morning, the girls need a lot from me. Inadequate sleep weighs down my eyelids and l blindly maneuver through the house attempting to kick-start the family's day. Finally I am able to plop down at the table, tuck my knees into my chair and take a sip of coffee. I love breakfast.

And though I am a girl who usually appreciates a clean line, I kind of like how round and circular my breakfast appears to be. More self portraits here.

self portrait challenge: bathroom week 4

This photograph is a reprise on the blog, but had not yet been submitted for the Self Portrait Challenge. I took this picture a couple months ago. At the time I was frantically treading and barely keeping my head above water. I had been unprepared for the challenges a new little person would introduce into our family. And the bathtub was my haven. It calmed my colicky newborn. It entertained my rambunctious two-year-old. And it rejuvenated my maternal spirit. Bubble magic.

self portrait challenge: bathroom week 3

Sometimes I find the whole idea of a friend baffling. I often feel so undeserving of these non-relatives who care about me. I'm not a very social person, so I don't have many friends. But the ones I do have, I hold dear.

Then there is the best friend. My relationship with her is so different that the term itself seems inadequate. She has helped me up from life's punches, she has cheered loudly during the celebrations in my life and she has also been there for the everyday mundane. She's even willing to pose in the bathroom after a late-night movie date. My best friend.

self portrait challenge: bathroom #2

I hardly ever take baths anymore. But as a kid, I loved them. I would sink in deep so that the water covered my ears. All I could hear was the beating of my heart and the thoughts swirling in my head. It's one of the main reasons I loved being a competitive swimmer. Hours and hours of practice submerged. Nothing but air bubbles and thought paths.

When I took my camera into the bathtub for this month's Self Portrait Challenge, I assumed the pictures would convey serenity, relaxation, calm and peace. But they came out much different, much darker than I expected. Initially I tried to over-analyze this, but now I'm just appreciating the unexpected.

self portrait challenge: bathroom

"I don't even get to go to the bathroom by myself," are the words that inevitably and almost uncontrollably spill from my mouth any time I try to convey to Alex the hurdles of stay-at-home mothering. And it doesn't bother me that these two beautiful creatures are virtually appendages, it's just the way things are.

The SPC theme this month is bathroom. I am determined to submit this month. Lately I've been using the girls as an excuse. I can never quite work out a place to curb them while I compose the perfect shot. And though I hope one of my photos this month comes out a bit more inspired, here we all are in the bathroom.

Thankfully our master bathroom is quite large because it's often the hub of our house. Even though I tried to clear all the toys out of this shot, one somehow made it's way into the frame. That silver thing in front of Canon is a toy flour sifter. That's right...we even do a little pretend baking in our bathroom.

One day the bubble gum scented bubble bath, the washable wall crayons, the floating alphabet and the flour sifter will all be gone from my bathroom. I'll be in there alone. And I'll be missing those girls.

self portrait challenge: water

I can't believe I was ever anxious about submitting a photograph to the SPC. It's such a safe, open forum. I received such kind comments on my premier post last week. So...I'm back again. The element I chose to focus on this week was water....obviously. I've written about it before, but I'm so amazed by the power and magnificence of the ocean. As I kid, I always just assumed I would live in a house with an ocean view. The thought of such a home was the only thing that eased the depression that came over me at the end of our summer vacations. There's just something about the sea.

I need to credit my girl Nilsa since I basically yanked an idea from one of her self portraits.

self portrait challenge: fire

The theme for this month's challenge is elements of the earth (water, air, earth, fire). Here's my practice run. I'm calling it Baby Food Jars Ablaze. One day I might even work up the courage to actually submit my self portraits. Until then, I'll just post them here. I'd happily accept any critique or advice.

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Update: I decided to go ahead and submit this one just as it is. If there has to be a first, it might as well be this. I think it's fairly representative of what my life is like right now. I'm exhausted and a bit lost, but my girls are my driving force, my light.

self portrait #1

I've decided to use the self portrait challenge themes as inspiration to learn my camera. The theme for June is to photograph yourself in your environment.

No fancy photo here, but it was good practice.