crib heaven

Today I took down the crib. It hasn't been slept in for months. When Elly moved out of it, I just pushed it into a corner of her room. Without a child needing its comforting enclosure, it looked like a worn and bare skeleton. With tears and a wrench, I finally broke it down. And I remembered the day it was delivered to our Chicago loft. A co-worker of mine offered to let me have the crib that had been his daughter's. I was so moved by his offer; a man I knew well enough only for polite conversation was giving me the bed my child would sleep in.

I am quite certain I've never felt more connected to a piece of furniture. Now it's just a pile of wood by the curb. A true sign that there are no more babies at this house.

(For the record...as much as I would have loved to pass the crib along, it was in no shape for another baby. It was well-worn and rusted when I received it, not to mention the damage my girls contributed. And then there were all the missing parts Alex deemed "unnecessary" the last time he lowered the mattress. So...this bed is safer in crib heaven.)

my kind of town

After twelve hours in the car, the first thing we did was pull up in front of our old building. The historic building that housed our loft is now dwarfed by half a dozen new high-rise condo buildings. But it still felt like home. Then we walked across the street to our favorite pub for a beer. And shed a tear...or two. Because it felt like home.

We planted a life in Chicago. Roots are still there, deep.

Alex and I spent the weekend remembering. Visiting our favorite places. Eating our favorite foods. Walking city streets. Riding a tandem bike together. Even though it was exciting and fun to be there, I felt like I was always on the verge of bursting into tears.

And now I know...I'll always miss Chicago.

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And I have my friend Nilsa to thank for drawing us back to the city. Her wedding was unbelievably beautiful. The energy of the evening swirled of happiness and love. Pure and intimate. So much so that Alex decided we should renew our vows.

griping again

It made me feel sick on my stomach. This morning I was drinking my coffee and casually running through the blogs I read daily. One of my favorites is authored by my friend and former neighbor. It was reading her blog today that I became nauseous. Her post was about the June edition of Chicago magazine. The cover story..."The South Loop: Welcome to the Hottest Neighborhood in the Country." My old neighborhood.

I won't go into much detail here. If you read my blog, then you already know I miss Chicago. And for those of you who think I should get over myself and just move back...well, maybe I will. I just need to work on convincing Alex.

So...in honor of the old neighborhood, here are "then and now" pictures of the building we lived in.

home

Alex and I rarely talk about Chicago. It's too hard. We both love the city. It was our home. But now we have chosen to stay in The South so that our girls can be near our families. I rarely consider anything I do on the behalf of my children as a sacrifice....except this. I love being near my parents, but my heart is in Chicago.

I took my iPod to bed last night and listened to this week's This American Life. The show documents 24 hours at a Chicago diner. Familiar street names, places I've been, accents I recognize...all remind me of what I'm missing.

happiness

things that make me happy....

running three miles with Sufjan Stevens in my iPod and thinking of Chicago.