The room is dimly lit, mostly by lava lamp. I'm sitting on a plush black leather corner couch. Occasionally I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirrored wall. There is shouting on the other side of the wall. It feels like I'm in the office of a nightclub circa 1985. But instead of a nightclub owner, the mustached man in the room with me is my therapist. And despite the lamp, couch, mirror, shouting or even the mustache, I feel safe with him. He asks questions and the answers just spill out of my mouth, even the ones I had planned to withhold for a while. At some point he says the words "family history" and tears fall against my will. In the mirror I see her...the girl who is crying in front of a stranger, the girl who feels stupid talking about herself. And suddenly I remember why I hate therapy.
Not that I expect any of you to hold hands with me and go skipping into a depression blog, but I haven't been feeling great lately. And I finally got that appointment. And now I am "in therapy." And I'll probably blog about it some.
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13 comments:
I think therapy is a very brave thing that all of us need at some point in our lives. I'm glad you were able to take that step and I hope you find answers and peace by going through this process. Hugs to you.
Therapy was the best gift I ever gave myself! Hang in there
Oh Christy, please know you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself. Sounds like your relationship with this therapist is just right, which is so important. I can promise you, things can become so much better if you are ready for whatever changes you need to make. They aren't ever easy (they aren't supposed to be), and they are usually lifetime rather than short-term changes, but if you're committed you can do it.
So glad we are talking tomorrow. You are one courageous woman. Love you.
Kudos to you for asking for help. I'm really horrible at that. Glad you found a safe place to hash things out... and glad you feel like you can blog about it. I find my blog very therapeutic.
SO proud of you Christy...you've taken a very courageous step in the right direction. I will enjoy reading about what your learn through these sessions...I think it'll be very applicable for any of us who've been through a struggle with depression.
We all have times in our lives when we need that therapeutic relationship- it can be a powerful thing. I commend you for going b/c so many of us neglect this part of ourselves- dismissing it, thinking that it is not important but you are important and you are worth it!!
thoughts of peace and wellness to you! so happy you found the safe place to talk.
Just so you know, your blogging about this is not just helping you! Thank you!
Shell
good for you, hun.
it does take courage,
but you'll come out with new tools
and new perspective
and a new, lighter heart.
xoxo
Shell's right. Enlightening your readers about this journey helps others, like me, feel normal about our emotions.
julie
Threads of depression run in complicated patterns throughout family histories. One member in ours has been in/out of therapy for over half a lifetime. Three of my grandfather's five brothers committed suicide. What a legacy.
That trickster, depression, convinces the one who is in the "slough of despond" that there is no hope; that joy will never return. Not so, Christy. Slog through it. There will be light again.
i thought i was immune to negativity but today i had a complete flip out. I think i would have to call today as having a mentally unstable hour. Over a minor thing but frustration and disappointment are no friends of anyone's. You are doing the right thing. Even the most positive of us are able to swayed time to time.
Thinking about you daily. ;)
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