I was about five years old when my parents got their first camcorder. It was new and shiny and fun to play with. Before the newness wore off and the video camera was reserved for holidays and birthdays, we recorded hours of random silliness. A tiny window of our lives plucked out and documented.
My family pulled out these videos when Alex and I first started dating. They were trying to embarrass me because I was not at all cute, but I was struck by something else. Tears poured down my face as I watched the video of my tiny little sister recite, sing and dance about.
I'm not even sure why those videos make me so emotional. I think it's something about the loss of innocence for her and for our sisterhood. And how fast it all went by, those years of living together and sharing common experiences.
And now it seems those emotions are compounded because my little sister is having a baby. She was home this weekend for a baby shower. Having a four-year-old and a two-year-old makes me ancient in the world of new mothering. Trends are different already. All the reading and research I did is now outdated, so I'm of little use. But I would like to use this space to force ONE piece of unsolicited advice on my sister. Here goes:
Do what feels right. My greatest regrets as a mother (so far) are letting what I thought was right trump what I felt was right. There's an overload of opinions and information out there. So many different parenting options for everything. Maternal instinct is a beautiful and powerful thing. Trust it. Use books, friends and family members for advice. Take it in. Consider it. But always trust your gut feeling.
That's my advice. I feel weird giving advice because I know I'm no great mother. But I feel like I made a lot of mistakes with Canon. With Elly I've just been trusting myself a bit more. It lessens the guilt. Anyone else out there want to shower down some unsolicited advice on my sister?
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7 comments:
That advice is precious! And Christy, you are a WONDERFUL mother. I've seen you with your kids. I've followed you closely on this blog. You are raising two beautiful, independent thinking, amazing little girls. And it's a huge tribute to you that they are so darn amazing!
You are an amazing mother, my friend, and have every right to give your sister some unsolicited parenting advice. If she becomes the kind of mother you've become, she'll have one amazing little boy on her hands.
And Lauren, I wish you all the best with your upcoming transition to motherhood. I know you are going to do an absolutely wonderful job. Can't wait to see your baby boy!
Christy, I think you're an incredibly intentional mother and I think your advice to Lauren is excellent!
Lauren, my personal advice to you is never feel guilty for saying NO to other people. As you and Paul raise your little boy,you may feel pulled in many directions and get peer pressure from other new parents to raise your child a certain way. It is absolute bliss to come to that point where you can say NO and feel confident in your own choices (similiar to what Christy was saying about going with the gut feeling). Remember that there is no absolute correct method for sleep training, feeding, dressing, and educating your child...how everyone else does it does not have to be the way you do it. I love you girl...can't believe your due date is a mere two months away!
I agree with you and other comments. No matter what, whatever Lauren thinks will be what is best. If she doesn't like the dirty lady at the grocery touching her baby, put her body between her and the baby, if she doesn't want that random cousin (we all have one) bouncing her baby "to the moon", its ok. She must be in charge and let others know. She will be a great mother, if she follows what her heart says to do. Good luck!
perfect advice for an adventure that is just so unperfect for each of us in it's own way.
does that make sense?
First off you were a cute kid, just too smart for your own good. Second, thanks to you and others for the good advice. Most of the time I feel absolutely clueless and just fall back on what makes me most comfortable. I don't know if the decisions we're making are the best but given what information I've been given they make me feel most at ease. You have been and continue to be my greatest resource. I love your girls, the little people they are, and the environment you've created for them to discover themselves. You are a great mom.
How exciting for you and your kids. A cousin! Even though I only met you briefly at Nilsa's wedding, I cannot imagine you being anything but a wonderful mom. If having children ages 2 and 4 makes you out of date, I'm in real trouble with a 7 and a 4 year old :-)
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