My mom passed along an old Newsweek article for me to read. It's a book review turned social commentary on modern mothers. The author writes, "We've become narcissist mommies, obsessed with our parenting choices and defensive when confronted with others'." And though I hate to admit it...this includes me. It happened even before Canon was born. I could feel the disapproval from some earth mothers when they learned of my deep and strong desire for an epidural during delivery. The judgment that I somehow wasn't doing the best thing for my child caused my maternal feathers to flare out like a peacock, and that's where they have been ever since. The mommy war is on, from bottle-feeding to bed-sharing, from sippy cups to spanking, from preschool to potty-training. And I'm beginning to think that for my generation the peace treaty is nowhere in sight. We'll still be drawing battle lines when our children apply for college.
I guess I'm most frustrated that I got sucked into to all this. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was excited about the kind of mother I would be. I truly believed I wouldn't get caught up in what the crowd was doing...or thinking. So I would like to apologize to any fellow mother who has ever felt that I considered my mothering choices to be superior. It was definitely not my intent.
The author of the article also writes, " I am bored to death with talking, reading and hearing about motherhood....We didn't exactly invent kids." Which leads me to this blog. I consider this blog a diary of sorts. A virtual documentation of what goes on in my life. As a stay-at-home mother, there are days I don't have a single thought that isn't somehow maternal. This is my life right now. So...if the motherly anecdotes bore you, please be patient. I'm starting to feel comfortable in my role as a mother. It seems possible that in the near future I could multi-task, be a mother and actually have other interesting thoughts. Stay tuned.
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9 comments:
Your post today is so eloquently stated! I think I'm guilty of making other moms feel like my way is better. I don't want to be like that- I want to be a spot of encouragement in their life and a place of support.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!! Why do we put so much blame and guilt on one another?
Can't we all just get along?
It is crazy how true this post is. I decided from day one that an epidural was for me (and I was right...actually it took 2 to work). I have a friend who did it all natural. Neither of our children suffered from our choices. Imagine if we spent as much time reaching out and helping others as we do worrying about why so and so let's her baby do that or why little so and so still has a pacifier at 4?
Sweetie, if the collective "we" were bored of your motherly thoughts, "we" wouldn't be reading your blog. No one forces us to be here. We choose to be here and I, for one, applaud all the motherly decisions you face each and every day.
I love your blog, probably in-part because I am a mom too. I love to hear how other mother's are dealing with situations. I think it would be great it we as mothers could support each other in this job instead of judging everything!
I feel your pain here, too. I am getting crap for planning a repeat c-section....VBAC sounds great, but the pessimist in me just isn't willing to risk my uterus rupturing and killing my baby (no matter how small the chance). I have accepted it...c-sections suck, but all I want is a healthy baby. We should always support each other, never criticize. AND, we should let each other name our kids Polka Dot if we want to (can you tell I am getting pressure here? and I don't even know the sex yet). See you soon, miss you.
I love reading about motherhood and parenting on your blog. I learn a lot about what I want to do and what I don't want to do from reading and talking to other parents about raising kids. It's invaluable to talk about our experiences as mothers, because even though we've been mothering since the beginning of time, there have never been mothers raising children at this unique point in time. Things change constantly and as they do it's imperative that we learn and grow from each others in our experiences with motherhood.
Thanks for sharing a little piece of your world with all of us.
I haven't read this article, but I don't think I agree with its premise. Society is recognizing more and more the importance of early influences on children, so it's natural to want to make the right decisions as a parent. While I agree that there's not usually one right answer to a problem, and the right answer varies by child and parent, so parents would do better to support each other, I also am glad to see the value that's being placed on parenting decisions these days.
Try being a mom who had a planned C-section for her first baby! Yes, it was for my own medical reasons but I quickly found out there are many moms out there that, come hell or high water, are going vaginal. No matter the risks. I'm just not one of those moms. Thanks for sharing! Just find a peace in knowing you're the absolute best mom to your girls because you're their mommy. Simple as that :)
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