life before

When I started this blog, I really had no intention of writing about my children every day. I didn't plan for it to be a motherhood forum, but that it what it has become. That is what I have become. Today...I spent a lot of time thinking about what my life was like before them. I opened up my big box of pictures hoping to reminisce about my childless past. And then I remembered...there aren't any pictures. I am ashamed to say that before Canon was born I hardly ever took my camera anywhere. I lived in New York City for a year and have maybe 20 photographs to show for it. My main excuse is that I didn't want to look like a tourist. So...most of my pictures were taken during visits from friends and family....tourists. It's embarrassing and sad.

Because there are no pictures I worry that the memories will start slip-sliding away. I think they probably already are. I also worry that without concrete proof, my girls won't believe my stories. I can seem them rolling their eyes, assuming exaggeration when I tell them how I moved to New York without a job. They won't believe me when I tell them about how I lived in a swanky, Pottery Barn furnished apartment just above the East Village. Or how my next apartment was an unheated, converted mechanic's garage where I lived with Alex and ten strangers. People sleeping everywhere. We had to sleep fully clothed with stocking caps, socks and gloves to keep warm. Or how I finally landed in an apartment looking over the Queensboro Bridge. Or how I worked at Lincoln Center. Or how many celebrities I met. Or how much living I crammed in to that short year. I almost don't believe it myself.

I need to start writing it out. I need to make sure my girls have these stories....even if they do roll their eyes in disbelief, not able to grasp that I lived before they were born.