The pregnancy pounds have officially stopped dropping off. I am now inching back up the scale, and I still had a good ten pounds to lose. (And no...there is no picture of my fat self to go along with this post.) I decided this week to get serious about working out. The YMCA in my neighborhood offers free childcare. Canon loves it, but I feel incredibly guilty about leaving Elly there. I usually only do a quick 30 minute workout and then rush to pick up the girls.
Today I decided to try my mom's yoga class. It lasts an hour. I knew I was in trouble from the very beginning. We were supposed to be relaxing and clearing our minds, but a million guilty thoughts were running through my head. "I wonder if Elly is crying...I hope someone is holding her....she probably misses me....did I hold her enough today...does she get enough of my attention..." I rolled up my yoga mat and left the class 20 minutes early.
I am overwhelmed with guilt. Every single night when the girls go to sleep I feel guilty about the day. I feel like I could have done a better job. I only get one chance at being their mother, and I really hope I'm doing the best I can. Motherhood is such an intense responsibility. I wonder if I'll ever feel truly comfortable and confident in this role. Not today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
Christy,
I do the exact same thing now that I've started going to the gym. And you know what, it's okay. We can't help it that we love them so fiercely! Please know that YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!! Hey, atleast you don't weigh 143lbs; it could be worse.
You can only be a great mother if you are at least good to yourself. Remember you are forever a role model - when your children watch you taking care yourself, staying healthy, staying fit, they will grow up doing the same. I can't imagine you not being a great mother, Christy ... even if you take an hour or so everyday for yourself.
You are an AMAZING mom! I've seen you at work and I can't tell you how lucky Canon and Elly are to have you as their mom! You are being a great mom by taking care of yourself. You deserve that hour to take care of your mind and body. At least you work out on a regular basis! I can't even find time to fit exercise in my ridiculous schedule, so you are way ahead of me and putting me to shame as a role-mother! Love you!
Post a Comment