belly envy

When I first found out I was pregnant, I assumed my mother would guide me through the experience. I thought her to be an expert on the matter since she had, after all, been pregnant three times. I was shocked to discover she remembered very little. All three experiences are a blissful blur to her now. Being newly pregnant, I could not understand this. How could her memory lose details of such significant events?

Last night at dinner I noticed a woman in the final trimester of her pregnancy. My instant emotion was envy. Weird. I'm still carrying around the fat my body stored to facilitate little Elly, and I was envious of another pregnant woman. Today I realized it's because I can't exactly remember what it feels like to carry a child in my womb. In less than four months, the hard edges of the memory are beginning to soften. I can't remember how the weight feels on my back or how little limbs tumbling around in my belly feel. It's a happy haze of a memory.