She loved school today. Loved it! And I did okay....mostly because I got everything out of my system when I cried myself to sleep last night. It was so ridiculous. I started wondering what she would do if she had chapped lips. Would someone put chapstick on her or would she just go all day in pain (okay...mild discomfort)?! And the tears started flowing. But I quickly realized I wasn't too worried about her. I knew she would be fine. I knew she would love school. I was just disappointed in myself. I have been home with the girls since Elly was born, nearly three years. The early days were about survival; if I could provide for the basic needs of both girls then the day was a success. Each day I hoped the next day would be better, and that I would be better. Days, weeks, months and years passed. Things did get better, but I never became the mother I wanted to be. It always seems just beyond my reach. And so I feel like I have failed her. I'm starting to wonder if there will ever be a night when I crawl in bed, pull the blankets up and think "I was a really great mom today."I don't mean to be a downer; it was a very exciting day at our house.
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7 comments:
Canon looks very chic in her first day outfit!! Proud of you for getting through the day...I like to think that our inadequacies as mothers only drive us to be better and stronger :).
What a beautiful little family. So much love. So much joy. They fill my life with great happiness.
Love,
Mae Mae
Canon looks like she was so excited. I love the photo with Alex and the girls. Too cute! Glad the first day was a success.
From what I've heard lately, you are not alone in your fears about your child going off to school for the first time. But, to see Canon so happy and excited ... well that just shows me that you've done something right ... she was prepared and ready ... and that's largely because you're such a great mom. Plus, how could she not be ready to leave the house with such a ham for a little sister. hahaha.
oh i was the same, on the first day my little one when to school. and i was amazed that she did so well and enjoyed it so much.
canon looks so happy and confident!
LOVE the last photo. She looks like a kindergardener, Christy. Such a big girl. Maybe it's the haircut.
Oh my goodness. That girl is so beautiful. Just like her mama.
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