This week I learned first-hand how seriously doctors take complaints of back pain when they come from young children. Canon's complaints combined with a couple possibly significant red flags sent us in a quick tailspin of tests and questions and so far no answers. The next attempt to find answers will be an MRI, for which she will be put to sleep.
And this is where I just want to scream.
I feel like the two most important roles of motherhood are to love and protect. The loving is easy. But the protecting is so fucking hard. There is so much in life I can't control.
In these doctors visits I stand there feeling like I should do something. Fix it. Make everything fine. But instead I just stand there helpless. Trusting someone else. Hoping for the best. Not at all like a lioness, but more like a scared puppy. And to me...this is the most frustrating part of motherhood. No matter how fiercely I love or how hard I try, I can't possibly make everything okay.
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Aww, honey, I'm so sorry for this awful situation. I'm no mother, so feel free to shoot down my unsolicited thoughts. But, maybe when you can't protect to the level you want, you just have to love a little harder. Over time, the loving and protecting balance themselves out.
Here's hoping Canon is back to being a playful, carefree little girl in no time.
Oh...I hope Canon is ok! I definitely relate to that feeling of helplessness...I have no soothing words, because I struggle in the same way. For me, that's when I just get down on the floor and pray, cry, and eat ice cream :).
I get it, and I'm praying
Love,
Susan
I totally understand that helpless feeling and it sucks. I woke up early this morning thinking about Canon and you. I'm worried about both of you but feeling hopeful that things will turn out well. You know that I love you and your girls dearly and you both have been constantly in my thoughts. I'm here if you need me.
I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this...I know the exact feeling.
I'm praying for Canon's healing.
Canon is one tough little cookie! She is strong and I know you are, too. Ya'll are in my heart and in my thoughts.
I hope that everything turns out ok with Canon. Y'all are in my thoughts and prayers.
feeling helpless sucks. i hate that you guys are dealing with this. on a slightly positive note...canon is the toughest four year old i've ever met. she'll probably be the one reassuring you (I can hear her now, i'm ok mommy) at your doctor's appointments. you guys are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. love you
the last comment is me...Lauren. forgot to sign paul out. sorry
I am so sorry and I pray that everything turns out well. I can understand how you feel - the helpless feeling is the worst. Hang in there mom and Canon!
I agree with everybody else...Canon Fearless Smith will be just fine. I love you guys!!
I'm sorry. But know that you ARE doing a lot, by taking her seriously yourself and taking her to the people who can try to find out what's going on for her. And then, once you get answers, you will do whatever needs to be done. That IS protecting her. You're doing everything you can do.
you are doing what good mothers do...being there with your baby at the scary doctors office.
I hope everything is okay.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I'll be thinking of you all and praying.
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