Monday, December 15, 2008
christmas past
Since I am no longer religious, Christmas for us is a time for family and giving. But every once in a while a religious song will play in my Christmas shuffle, and I find myself tearing up. A sensory connection to a god I no longer believe exists, like a phantom feeling in a limb that is gone.
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16 comments:
You express your feelings in such a beautiful way...it's part of what drew me to your blog. Thanks for sharing :).
That just makes me sad, my sweet, dear friend. Wish I could perform a miracle and reattach that limb for you.
Love you.
Let's not worry about what we believe, let's just.
I know what you mean.
i don't think it ever really leaves anybody. good thoughts....love ya
What if it is not a phantom feeling and a real missing that you feel? Could it be that deep is calling to deep wanting to have a relational experience with GOD. Maybe the idea of a religious god in your past was not God at all and somewhere inside you know that and want to find who GOD really is, could that be the tear?
Maybe that limb is pulling back, maybe, just maybe that is one of the little miracles Dawn is speaking of. Maybe that isn't on random shuffle mode, maybe that is on what Christy needs to hear shuffle mode.
Just alittle food for thought!
I can't help but sense a feeling of regret in your post. I have been trying to put how I feel about this into words, and I am still at a loss. I can't help but wonder if you are just angry with God, and if you are angry with Him, then He exists. The girl I knew in high school is such a stark contrast to the girl I read about now....that is hard for me to compute. I know people change, but usually not their core. Just know that I pray for you, alot. I pray for your happiness, and peace, and that you will find your way back to God, because I don't think He has given up on you. I love you, please don't take offense. I am not the writer that you are, but I don't mean to come across as judgmental or holier than thou (is that how you spell that?) I just want to feel joy from you, and that is what I pray for.
I ditto the last person. You are nowhere near the Christy I knew once upon a time - as far as your beliefs. And, as Dawn said, that makes me sad for you. And especially for your girls and husband. I, too, pray for you.
You still say Merry Christmas, right?! So, Merry Christmas!!
Thanks for all your comments here. I usually don't open the religion door on my blog out of respect. I come from a Christian family and a majority of my blog readers are also Christian. Religion is a very personal and emotional topic that I mostly try to avoid so as not to offend anyone.
That being said....
It's at this time of year I miss the warm and fuzzies of Christianity. The idea that Christ was born to save me from my sins. The idea that God is always with me. And the community that religious organizations provide.
But the belief isn't there for me anymore. At all. And now that I'm on the outside looking in, the whole thing seems .....crazy (I'm sorry; that's the least offensive word I could come up with.)
Again...I appreciate all your comments. Thanks for reading and thanks for caring. It's an open forum and you can say whatever you like. I allow anonymous comments so that people who don't have a google account can comment without hassle. But I think it's just a blog courtesy to sign your name when commenting, especially if you know/knew me in person. If for any other reason, it would be nice to know who is out there praying for me.
Everyone has eternity set in their heart, and it's amazing what lengths we go to deny it. Probably one of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes covers what you're feeling and why you're feeling it:
"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
Christy, I just read the additional comments on this post...what a great discussion your post brought forth! I also wanted to add that even though I believe in God, I often feel much like you described. My belief often lies dormant, no growth occurs and there's that same "phantom feeling in a limb that is gone". There is so much common ground to be found when we share the yearnings deep inside. Perhaps you will continue the rest of your life believing as you do now...or perhaps you'll return to believing in God. But I applaud you just as you are, following and listening to the deep cravings of your soul.
With all the comments, I hope that you don't stop blogging about this issue. We all love you so. But I agree they need to leave their name that is awful ugly. Christmas time brings it out for most people.
I'm praying for you. And thanks for not putting "praying" in quotes. Because we do pray. And prayer works. Take care!
i just stumbled across your blog from curious girl's blog and was reading past posts...just wanted to say that i admire your for putting this one up. for exposing your true feelings to the world. and for saying what, i'm sure, many people feel at this time of year (including myself). many blessings to you.
Christy, I'm sure nobody'll see this since it's a month or so old, but our FB wall posts made me come read back a bit. I just wanted to say right on. I know where you're coming from with this post, and I totally feel you. I find peace in knowing that being a good person and doing good things comes back to you.
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