I grabbed her not even a second after her face hit the concrete and rushed her inside. When I first looked in her mouth there was so much blood that I couldn't see any teeth, which really, really scared me. As the bleeding lightened, I could see all her teeth were still there, even the two little broken ones. Her face was pretty banged up and there were a couple gashes inside her lip and on her gum. We were at a dinner party, so we said our goodnights. When we got home I put the girls in the bathtub, then I threw up.
I really don't even know how to put into words how I feel about this accident or the last one. How do you write about the natural animal instinct you have to protect your children? And the devastation and guilt you feel when you fail? In so many ways I am so angry at myself. I'm her mother, for fuck's sake.
I took her to the emergency room. The waiting room was packed. Since we were looking at spending the night there, I guilted/strong-armed the triage nurse (and fellow mother) into giving me her medical opinion. She wasn't sure, but she didn't think Elly's lip would need stitching. So...we came home.
Now I think I'll go wash my daughter's blood out of my clothes and hair.
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9 comments:
Oh, Christy! Sweetheart, these things are not your fault! They happen. You were there to hold her after she fell. That's the important thing. Please don't beat yourself over it.
Poor Elly has had a go of it, but in no means is it your fault. Kids fall down all the time. I think there is some prerequisite number of falls they have to meet before they can move on in life.
It's what happens, but isn't it easier to deal with that statement when it is someoneelse's child? I hope Sweet Elly is ok. You were there to make decisions to go to the ER, to hold her when she cries, you are her mother and a great one.
Ohhh Christy. I think some children are just more accident prone than others. Tia has had more accidents in her 4 years than Braigen and Kali combined. Right before her first birthday, on her very first Christmas, she was just learning to walk, and we were at Deidra's house getting ready to eat dessert. She crawled over to the glass covered fireplace, while we all watched, assuming something that was that accessible would not be that hot, and we were all wrong. My poor Tia, used the glass front to stand up, and burned her hand so severely that she ended up in a cast, and we spent the next 3 months going to Childrens' Hospital 3 times a week. It was horrible, not only was I very guilted, but everyone who watched her, assuming it was not that hot, felt like crap. Shortly after her cast finally came off, she fell out of the barbie jeep face first and ended up with roadrash all down the left side of her face. Lessons have been learned from ALL of her accidents, and some are even comical to look back at. This is not your fault, things just happen, especially when you are dealing with small chldren and toddlers. Please don't beat yourself up.
My dear, dear friend. I've been off-line and so disconnected from you since I moved this week. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this again with poor little Elly. I know the guilt you feel. I think all mothers feel it on a daily basis. The important thing to know is that Elly is okay. She's a little banged up, but completely healthy otherwise. She's a tough cookie and will survive. As for you, please don't let the guilt consume you. There is nothing you could have done to stop the accident. As you've experienced too many times recently, we can't protect our kids from everything, despite our desire to do so. Just love her and guide her to the best of your ability. I don't know what else to say except that I love you. Hang in there.
Dear, friend... I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. And THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Crap happens.
i thought the title of this entry was failure to project... i did't get it for a long time bc u threw up. i'm an idiot.
I just had to leave you a comment...I totally agree with all your friends...what happened was TOTALLY NOT YOUR FAULT! It's the hardest part of motherhood not to second guess yourself when your child gets hurt. But from reading your blog, I know you're such a good and caring mother to your girls...hang in there!
Awww, sweetie. Though I'm not a mother, I seem to recall my younger brother was a tragedy. Younger kids seem to be less conservative, more curious and more willing to take risks. It's the nature of the beast. Don't be so hard on yourself -- shower your daughters with love, not guilt!
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