fighting the phrase

For years the words have been nearly constantly on the tip of my tongue. A simple little phrase with such huge meaning. Six words I haven't been able to shake.

"I want to have a baby."

Almost as soon as we got married, I found that this phrase was always hanging around. Even when my mind, body and common sense were completely against such a proposition, these words danced around in my mouth. Elly was just a few weeks old when the freakish desire to say such words returned. It's weird, like the animalistic tendencies take over rational thought. I guess this is how the earth is populated.

Now, all of the sudden, they are gone. I noticed their absence one day last week. Maybe it's a cyclical thing and one day they will be back, but right now my family feels complete. (Yes...I know putting that in writing is just asking for trouble. It will bite me in the ass. And bite Alex even harder in the form of a vasectomy reversal.)

It seems that everyone around me is having babies. My friends. My best friend. I'll even have a nephew very soon. Babies I can hold and love. And my subconscious finally seems okay with the idea that my time has passed.