Saturday, August 18, 2007

goodbye, friend

I only kept in touch with a handful of friends when I left Chicago. In truth, I really only had a handful of friends in Chicago. I realized last week I hadn't heard from my friend Sandy in quite a while. On a whim I googled her. And as though the adept search engine had something important to tell me, the very first search result was her obituary.

How could I not have known? How could something so tragic happen to my friend and I went on these past few weeks oblivious?

I'm still trying to process my feelings about this. Somewhere along the way I intentionally put some emotional distance in my relationship with Sandy. I was at a place in my life where I really needed to focus on myself. I didn't have a lot to put into friendships; I was just trying to keep myself afloat. And now I look back with deep regret and guilt. I know I couldn't have saved her, but I could have been a better friend.

Goodbye, Sandy. I'll miss you.


Sandy and Canon
November 2004

5 comments:

Jenny said...

I'm sorry, friend.

Shell said...

I am very sorry about your friend

Nilsa S. said...

Just because you were not as close as during a time in the past doesn't mean Sandy wasn't still a good friend. Sometimes, I've found, some of the best friendships go through times of draught. Maybe it would help both you and her family if they knew you still think of her fondly.

askewheels said...

How tragic. I am so sorry!

Tracy said...

Wow, Christy, I'm really sorry. What a shock it must have been. We all have times when we have to take care of ourselves for awhile, or we have nothing left to give to others. It isn't always a choice -- sometimes it's necessary. You have been trying to do that, and giving what's left of yourself to your family. I'm sure your friend would completely understand that.