This afternoon I took the girls to the pool. I watched the teenaged lifeguards sulk around the pool. I watched as they sat high in their chairs scowling at the playing children. I've been a lifeguard before, so I know the job isn't all that bad. It's actually great when your are that age. But for these teenagers, it is not "cool" to be happy. Cool is "disinterested" or "pissed off" or "in full mood swing".
It's weird because all I want is happiness for my daughters. More and more I am feeling like that might be a request too great for them to fulfill. I know my unhappiness over the years has probably disappointed and hurt my parents. It seems so simple, yet I fear it might be quite difficult for them.
But...right now they are oblivious. And they are happy. And it is totally cool.
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1 comment:
It is odd how when I feel a certain way you write about it. You are in my mind, writing the things that I am often afraid to admit. Your are not alone in your desire to be happy and life seems to not want it for you. I feel your pain.
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