Don't get excited, people; this is the test I took when I found out I was pregnant with Elly. If I close my eyes, I can remember the day I took this test. I saw the pink lines getting darker and darker. Two lines! All I knew of her was that tiny, little pink line. I was ecstatic.Friday Alex is having a vasectomy. If everything goes as planned, those two lines will be my last. Since Alex is actually having the procedure, I think I've been a bit removed from the huge significance of the decision. It's a decision we made together, and I am so extremely grateful to him for taking the responsibility. But I know there will be times, many times, in my life that I will want more children. The thing is...I love babies. I love being a mother to a baby. I love getting up during the night, cuddling, kissing, nursing, changing diapers, soothing cries; I really love every bit of infancy. It's dangerous. And it's weird because I think two is the right number of children for me and Alex. But along the way, my heart will long for another baby to cuddle. Sometimes I have trouble accepting that part of my life is over. The season has passed. I really hope we are doing the right thing.
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Just before posting I stumbled upon the blog of sweet | salty. I've spent the last hour sobbing as I read of the birth of her twin sons and the death of one of them just a couple weeks ago. Tonight I'll kiss my sleeping girls and be grateful for what I have.
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1 comment:
Wow, Bryan would never, be proud of your man. But like I tell Bryan, "My next husband may want children, so it's up to you". Each time I tell him that he laughs. . .nervously.
Truly I am finished having children and what a big step you are taking. I am a chicken to take that step. Congrats to you and Alex for being confident. My thoughts are with you, get the frozen peas ready. He will need them.
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