I wasn't allowed to go back with him, so I went for coffee unable to sit in a waiting room as my childbearing years came to end. It was warm and the outdoor tables were full. At one table a young couple sat gazing at their newborn. They looked tired, but happy. As I waited for my coffee the baby started to cry. Each time the door opened, I could hear the hard, shrill cries. Innate cries that have yet to be softened by emotion, personality or distraction. The cries of a newborn wanting. Those cries will never again want for me. It's shocking. I told Alex he could change his mind. He said he considered it. But now it's done; it's just the four of us.
This morning Alex dug through our plastic bags looking for something to hold the items of the doctor's checklist. He happened to grab a Babies R Us bag. We laughed at the irony. Babies are no longer us.
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2 comments:
Christy, I know how you feel now...but I know that with time you will be sure of your decision. I never felt like I really got to decide if I should have another baby, because of the complications with my third...but I know now that it was the right thing for us. I still look at newborns, and crave the closeness only mother and newborn feel...but quite honestly, I think I would have an emotional breakdown...if I ever ended up pregnant again, it really has become a fear for me.(although I'm pretty sure we're out of the woods on that one!) Maybe it's because I'm scared of what happened to me last time, or maybe it's because, I now know that we are a happy family of 5!!! and 3 healthy girls is A.O.K with me.
Christy, how normal to morn this passing stange in your life. It sounds like you really enjoy being a mom and babies. It also sounds like you know that you are very blessed to have your girls and know your limits. You certainly have two beautiful girls!!
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