maternal code

The author of one of my favorite blogs writes a lot about motherhood. In one of her posts she writes, "I give and give even when the urge to run is greatest."

I first read this a few weeks after Elly was born. It touched me deeply. I was overwhelmed at the time. The responsibility of raising two children seemed crippling. I was having a great deal of trouble balancing both girls. I felt if I ran, someone more capable would jump in and give them the life they both deserve.

Today was another day I felt like running. The stomach virus that attacked Canon made its way to me. I slept very little last night. By the time Alex woke up and got ready for work, I thought I was feeling better. I was very wrong. When I wasn't standing over the toilet, I was immobile on the couch. I so wished I could just get in my bed and sleep. That was impossible; I had two young children to care for. I wanted to run.

But then this afternoon everything changed. Canon caught me throwing up. (I usually try to hide that sort of thing from her.) She stood beside me in the bathroom rubbing my back saying, "you otay, mommy? you otay, mommy?" The deep concern and sincerity in her voice moved me. When I was able to respond to tell her I was okay, she looked at me and said, "That's nasty." I couldn't help but laugh.

My child was able to remind me of the bond we share. How important we are to each other. And though I may have wanted to run today, I gave. Because that's what mothers do.