I intended for this blog to be a place where thoughts, ideas, words, images flowed freely. But I have been hiding a part of myself which has completely restricted who I am in this space. I've been censoring my writing, portraying a false reality. So...I've decided to splash the truth on the screen so that I can move on and continue in truth.
I am an atheist. I have been for some time.
This is not an easy thing to confess. I know many people who care for me will be saddened for me and my girls. As far as Canon and Elly are concerned...I do not plan to raise them in church, but I will support either of them should they choose Christianity. I am a little concerned about the barrier religion could create in the relationship I will have with my daughters. If they choose Christianity their religion will teach them that their parents are going to burn in hell. (I don't really want to get into theology here; I am referring to generally accepted Christian beliefs.) And that makes me very sad. Along the way they will probably be introduced to the idea that they will be able to see loved ones again in heaven. Except their parents won't be there. Nope...Alex and I will be burning in eternal damnation. I guess their piece of heaven will suck just a little bit more than everyone else's, and that makes me sad too. When these issues arise, I know they will have questions. So I hope Aunt Lauren and Uncle Paul will start preparing their answers.
I would like to apologize to my family and close friends who are learning this about me from my blog. This is not easy to talk about. Not because I am uncomfortable in my beliefs, but because I know how sorrowful you will be.
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7 comments:
I'm glad that you & I had already had this conversation or I would have been floored by your blog. I know it must have been hard to put yourself out like this on your blog. Being true to yourself often means sharing things with your family & friends that you don't want them to know. I'm proud of your candor & honesty. I have a firm belief in God and because of that, it is very hard for me to hear you are an atheist. I've avoided talking to you about it since that one conversation we had because it is such a painful subject to me. You are my dearest friend and you mean the world to me. I hope that your honesty in this blog will allow me to quit hiding behind the bear in the room that I've been trying to ignore. When the topic comes up again, I won't be afraid to dive in with you. Best friends should be able to talk about anything. Anyway, I'm rambling. I love you very, very much.
As I mentioned in my very lengthy email, you amaze me, Christy. You served as my inspiration for today's post on my blog: http://newsomi.blogspot.com/2007/04/perspective.html.
Oops, try that link again ... http://newsomi.blogspot.com/2007/04/perspective.html ... hope it works this time. :-)
gosh darnit! how about this ...
http://newsomi.blogspot.com ... view the Perspective entry.
You're not telling us anything we didn't know already, maybe just clarifying it a bit for us. Of course I'm sad, I consider my faith the most important part of my life. But honestly the thing that saddened me the most when I started thinking about your blog is when I look at Christians and what Christianity has become (especially in our country) I don't want to believe in it either. Most days after going to the church Paul works in I want to run and keep as far away from Christians as I can. I know you and the rest of the family think Paul and I are fruity in thinking about intentional community and going up to Philly in May, but the community in Philly is the first glimpse I've had of Christianity that I actually want to be a part of. It's Christianity that doesn't use it's faith to justify wealth, oppression, disparity, selfishness and greed but a faith that I believe Christ modeled (love, service, unity, being a voice for the oppressed and the poor and being responsible with our resources). Apparently, I'm turning your blog into an opportunity for me to blog... I'll end with a few more thoughts. If it weren't for the glimpse of what Christianity can be that I've had and the things that happen in my life that I can't explain in any other way except that God is present I don't know that I could beleive in God either. I appreciate you being so willing to share in things we do as a family that are tied to our faith (going to church, praying at meals) even though you don't believe it. You continually show yourself to be the thread that holds our family in some form of unity. I love and appreciate you. I'm sorry you felt you couldn't be honest about this before. You're still my awesome big sister that I look up to. I have a lot to learn from you and I'm glad you're willing to share your thoughts.
- lauren
I applaud your putting yourself out there like this... I feel much the same way you do about religion... except nobody knows. Not even my husband.
So your brave post gives me strength and hope that I may one day be able to do the same with my family.
-Katie
I wish I had read this before our play date today, I would have loved to talk about this some more. If I forget the next time we are together, please bring it up. I love you and I am just wondering how you came to this realization. We lost touch for quite some time and the woman in this blog is so different from the girl I knew in high school. I have changed alot, too, and I would love to discuss this very touchy subject with you. You'll receive no judgment from me, and maybe you can help me clarify some of my own feelings. Did I mention that I love you and your girls and Maddy and I love hanging out with you? I am looking forward to seeing you on Saturday and I hope we will get some time to talk soon. Wow, your honesty and fearlessness amazes me...I am such a wus (is that how you spell that?)
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