Yesterday Elly had her six month checkup. Everything is fine. She is 14 pounds 7 ounces and 26 inches long. I love her pediatrician. She and I sit and talk about babies and life like we are old friends. But it is so obvious that I was tagged early on as a possible sufferer of postpartum depression. The first few minutes of Elly's appointments always center around me and how I'm handing being a mother of two children. I won't concede to being depressed, but I will admit to being overwhelmed. By the way the pediatrician phrases her comments and questions I can tell that not all mothers of multiple children are as overwhelmed as I was/am.
I am not being self-deprecating here, I guess I'm just recognizing my limitations. It's something I am learning about myself that has come as a total surprise. In high school and college I wanted a large family. And though I still love the idea of a house full of people, I know it's something I cannot handle. I was very comfortable and happy in the maternal role when it was just Canon. But Elly came along and I find every day is a challenge to be the mother I want to be.
My hat is off to all the women who have had more than two children. And to my friends planning to have three or more children, I am very impressed. You are much more capable than I am.
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4 comments:
I don't have to see you to know you are doing an amazing job with your girls. I read every entry to your blog and I know you care tremendously about them. You find ways to expose them to and then explore the world. You are probably a lot more similar to other moms than you think. Don't read too much into your doctor's leading questions, but also don't forget to take care of yourself!
Man... most days I can't even handle my cat properly.
Oh well. I've got some time I guess :)
Okay, I've been doing Women's Health this semester so I know for a fact you are a lot more normal than you think. More women feel like you do after having a child (no matter if it's there 1st, 3rd, or 8th) than don't. You are completely normal. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's not supposed to be a cake walk. You are doing a great job, so don't be so tough on yourself.
Now repeat after me: "I-am-an-awesome-mommy!" Repeat that about 1000 times and maybe you'll start to believe it.
Love you.
Today I fantasized about going to stay at a gorgeous mansion with beautiful gardens... and a huge bed with a down comforter... and one of those showers that has 8 different heads spraying on you at once. And I would wear a fluffy terrycloth robe all day and not get out of bed until 10:30... or maybe 2:30.
Want to join me?
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